Gathering for Peg, July 19 at LiveArts

We have a time and a place for the gathering in memory of Mom:

Saturday, July 19, 2008
3:00-5:00pm
LiveArts building in Downtown Charlottesville

We will serve refreshments and show Mom's photography.

Further details will be posted here; check back soon.

Obituary

Mom's obituary in Sunday's Daily Progress (May 18):
http://www.legacy.com/DailyProgress/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=109884273

Marguerite "Peg" Campbell

Marguerite "Peg" Campbell died of cancer on Thursday, May 8, at Hospice House in Charlottesville, Virginia. She was 55.

Born July 17, 1952, in London, Kentucky, to Seldon Campbell and Charlotte Cramer Campbell, Peg spent most of her childhood in Harrisonburg, Virginia.

A nurse at the University of Virginia for nearly 30 years, Peg spent the majority of her career as a Certified Specialist in Poison Information at the Blue Ridge Poison Center. She was also an avid photographer. Lately, Peg had been experimenting with using her scanner as a camera, to results that are both elegant and haunting.

Peg was beloved by those who knew her for her charm, beauty, and wit. Her loved ones, especially her children, relied on her insight and sage counsel. Peg was famously impulsive, to the frustration and delight of her friends and family. She was also singularly forgiving and believed that people are inherently good.

Peg is survived by her husband, Juniee Oneida of Charlottesville, Virginia; her sister, Nancy Campbell of Albuquerque, New Mexico; her daughter, Emily Daniel of Palo Alto, California; her son, Sam German of Charlottesville, Virginia; and her stepson, Jonathan Oneida of Charlottesville, Virginia.

She was preceded in death by her eldest sister, Beverly Hiller of Lexington, Kentucky.

Her children will host a gathering in her memory from 3 until 5 p.m. Saturday, July 19, 2008, at LiveArts in Downtown Charlottesville.

In lieu of flowers, please make donations in support of breast cancer research.

Planning a Gathering in July

Thank you all so much for the kind posts and e-mails and calls. We are feeling very, very loved. I'm sure Mom never imagined that the close relationships she formed with friends and family would end up comforting her kids after she died... but they have.

Sam and I are aiming to host a gathering in memory of Mom around her birthday (July 17). The day depends on when we're able to book space. I'll be working on that this week. When I have a date I'll let you know ASAP via this blog.

I'm writing an obituary for Mom that should come out in next week's Daily Progress. I'll put it up on the blog, too.

FYI, I added some pics from Sue and Sam today.

Mom died tonight.

Mom died tonight around 8:00pm. I didn't make it to be with her, but Sam was there all day. He had just run home to set up my room for me when it happened. Kathy Lally and Gloria were with her. She had a really rough day, but Kathy said that she died peacefully.

I have changed my flight back to tomorrow morning so I can be with Adam tonight. I'll get in to Virginia tomorrow evening.

Mom is going to be cremated. We are not doing a traditional funeral or memorial service. Instead, we are planning on having a gathering of friends and family in a month or two. I will post to this blog to let you know what's happening.

If you would like to do something in Mom's memory, please make donations to breast cancer research, Habitat for Humanity, or Piedmont Housing Alliance. We will also be setting up a website where you can get one of her photographs in exchange for a donation to one of these places. I'll keep you posted on this too.

Thank you for all your love and support. I can't tell you how much it has meant to her and to me. Once when she was in the hospital last week, she started crying and I asked her what was wrong. I expected her to say something about being uncomfortable or being scared. But what she said was, "All these people care about me! It just feels so good."

Night flight

Folks, the nurses called me today to say that Mom may not be able to hold out until tomorrow. I have changed my travel schedule and now am on the earliest flight I could get (within reason). I'll take the red-eye and be there tomorrow morning. But I realize I may not make it in time.

Kathy L. and Sam are with her now. I have asked them to keep the population in the room down as much as possible, so please don't be offended if they kick you out. It's just that Mom is pretty uncomfortable and I think she would prefer to have the calmest, most consistent environment possible now.

If you want to come visit but are unsure if it's okay, you can call Hospice and have them ask whoever is in the room. The number is 244.4250. Or you can call Kathy on her cell at 409.5341.

Flying in Friday

I have a flight into Dulles on Friday evening. I'm renting a car to keep transportation simple. Can't wait to see Mom.

Watermelon

Just talked to Mom. Lisa and Kathy were sitting with her and enjoying smoothies and fresh watermelon. She was really liking the watermelon.

Mom has been less comfortable lately. Most of it is probably from being in bed for so long, but it really hurts to move. And it hurts not to move. She has been adamant about not taking morphine because she doesn't like the way it makes her so sleepy. The nurses are trying an ibuprofen-like drug today that seems to be helping a bit. Kathy told me she seems more comfortable.

Mom is weaker everyday. The nurses said today that I should try to come out as soon as possible. They don't expect her to remain lucid for much longer. I'm looking at flights now. I'll let you all know when I have a schedule.

Hospice: Sign in, Sign out

Glenda the Good Nurse has requested that we all PLEASE sign in and out when we visit Mom. Don't forget to write down the times. They have to do this for fire code. If there were an emergency and they had to evacuate the building, they need to know who is in it. Thank you!

Photos Are Beautiful- More Please!

Thanks for the photos, can we have more please! What a beautiful woman Peg is and always has been.
I saw her yesterday- another Kathy was there, (Lalley, sp?)-(can't have too many Kathys!) what a wonderful friend.
I didn't realize how rich Peg was until I met some of her devoted friends and family.
She was tired, but knew me and was oriented. She complained of "acid indigestion" but that seemed better when we raised the head of her bed. She enjoyed some ice water.
I know we should move her more, but it does seem to make her uncomfortable.
I didn't notice at the time if she had an eggcrate mattress, but if not, maybe she could have that?
I think she doesn't want to take morphine unless she has absolutely has to.
Her "blushing bride pink" manicure and pedicure still look great.
Sam, it was great to see you, you are such a sweetheart. I think your Mom likes you a little bit, as that smile she gave you lit up the room!
Kathy

Rob and Juniee: Heroes of the day

Mom has been begging to go outside for days. Juniee asked the nurses to help him move her to a chair so he could wheel her out onto her balcony, but they said they didn't have anybody strong enough to do it safely.

So Juniee enlisted friend Rob. For those of you who don't know Rob, he's big and really strong. And, reportedly, he has a great sauna. But that's beside the point. Not three years ago, Rob could be spotted at many a Fridays After Five effortlessly flinging Mom around the dance floor. She swears he's the only man who has ever been able to fling her six-foot-self around a dance floor, and she loved every minute of it.

This morning, Juniee and Rob hoisted her out of bed and into a wheelchair and took her out onto her balcony to take in the day. They sat out there for a while and, when she got tired, they brought her back in to bed.

I talked to Mom about it this afternoon. She said it was pretty terrifying to be moved after so long in bed, and they're not likely to attempt that again. But it was really nice to be outside.

Mom seems perhaps a bit more tired than yesterday. She's definitely having more trouble talking today. She's slurring her words and speaking very softly. It's hard to understand her on the phone.

Reading the Hook

Went by to see Peg this afternoon and brought a copy of the Hook. Peg let me read a couple of the articles of interest to her--the exposed breast on the Virginia flag (they're just noticing? that got a chuckle), looking for the Crozet cougar (cameras and Nick Nichols involved), various downtown real estate offerings (she's still interested), and Eli Cook (yes, he's cute she agrees). Peg listened through closed eyes most of the time.

She told me Juniee and Rob lifted her into the chair so that she could sit on the porch this morning. She said it was hard for them to get her out and then back into bed. She thought she fell, but the nurse said she just "clunked" a little on the way down to the mattress. BTW, if you're not in the area today, you're missing out on one glorious Spring day!

I notice that Peg is weaker since my visit on Friday. Her color has deepened somewhat. But, Peg is still very much aware of her friends and her surroundings. She also may be having some difficulty communicating on the cell phone, because it's hard to manouver.

The best part of visiting Peg is the kiss and the "love you's."

Food times

Hi all. Mom didn't have any morphine this morning, so she's more awake than yesterday. She seemed happy to have had special entertainment today. Scott and Christy brought their dogs by to say hi, and later Miranda and Travis serenaded her. I asked her what they sang and she said, "I don't remember, but it was pretty."

While perkier than yesterday, she is rather weak-sounding and friends have reported to me that she is more jaundiced lately.

If you are visiting her at mealtime (or if you already have today), could you please comment on her ability to feed herself? I am concerned about her not having the strength to eat and the hospice staff not always being able to sit with her. If we need to, I can make a volunteer schedule for people to come and help with eating. But I don't want to formalize visits unless you all feel that's necessary. Let me know what you think.

Also, it's important for her to be repositioned as much as possible. When you visit her, please make sure she has not been on her back or any one side for too long. If she hasn't moved in a while, please ask the nurses to shift her over. Thank you!

PT answers

This is more detailed than I'd planned on posts being, but I wanted to get you all on the same page in case you talk to Mom and she seems confused about the situation. I know these are two issues that are very important to her.

I talked to Glenda, Mom's nurse, who had just spoken to Mom's doctor. They said that Mom is simply too weak for physical therapy right now. She can't even sit up in bed so they are afraid that any more serious PT would put her at risk for falling. Instead, they are going to have the nurses work with her on bed mobility with the hope of getting her strong enough to turn herself over. If her condition is stable and she is able to gain some strength this way, then they'll talk about PT.

Another issue is that Mom's bed is too short. The room can't accommodate her computer and a longer bed, so they are going to try to make the shorter bed work for now. They might remove the footboard or pad it with some egg-crate foam.

Some visitors have reported to me that Mom's not able to keep her computer in the room, but Glenda doesn't seem to have a problem with it right now. She just said that if Mom ends up needing the longer bed, the desktop might have to go to make room for it.

I just talked to Mom and she sounds good and alert. I gave her the outcome of the PT conversation and she seemed to understand... though perhaps not to agree.

PT for Peg?

Mom is very interested in getting physical therapy. I have left messages with her docs, nurses, and caseworkers to try to get this sorted out. The hospice nurses have informed me that this is not something done at the House. So I'm trying to figure out if there is a way to get her a UVa physical therapist to visit her every once in a while.

Mom keeps calling PT "rehab," which by definition is not palliative care, so I'm thinking there might be a semantic problem complicating the issue. But I don't see any reason why PT can't be considered palliative.

More later.

Morphine is our friend

Mom has been having some abdominal pain-- which is really the first significant pain she has had since her original cancer diagnosis. The nurses have had her on morphine since last night, so she has been very sleepy today. So sleepy, in fact, that she kept falling asleep when I was talking to her on the phone. But she says she is feeling good.

Visitor Info for Hospice House

Visitors are welcome 9:00am-8:00pm. Family can come anytime-- you just need to be buzzed in.

Please remember to sign in at the front. And know that she can often hear you even when she is resting, so be sure not to talk over her.